Oh, so profound! I can't take all the credit, however. I was actually inspired for this weeks goal by lyrics from one of my favorite musicals: Rent..
"I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be"
To be..
hmm, let's ponder this for a second, shall we?
Now what exactly does "to be" mean? Well, thanks to good old dictionary.com (my American Lit prof would have a fit if he heard that) I looked it up and found perhaps the most simple and direct definition:
For the past few weeks I've felt as though I was stuck in a rut both in terms of eating and exercise. After some necessary self-reflection I've come to terms with why I was feeling so "blah" for lack of a better term, in my day to day routine. The simplest answer? I had a day to day routine. Everything for me was planned. Monday, Wednesday Friday - yoga. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - pilates. Food - follow my meal plan. I became so consumed my plans that I forgot how to just "be".Be [verb]: To live, to exist.
There were Tuesday mornings when I would wake up and literally dread doing pilates. I craved yoga, but opted for pilates instead because that was "the plan". Consequently, I wouldn't enjoy my pilates session at all or put 100% of my effort in to it. Not okay.
There were days when I craved a vitamuffin for breakfast (though I crave vitamuffins all day) but I resisted because that wasn't on my meal plan. Not okay, either.
I talked to my nutritionist a little bit about this today and she's given me a little more freedom in my meals and choosing what I want to eat (yay!) So, to address the my food and exercise woes I've implemented some mini goals for myself this week.
Don't:
✗ Plan my workouts
✗ Plan my meals
Do:
♥ Honor my body
♥Respond to my bodies cravings (in terms of food and exercise)
Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I know I have a feeling it won't be but I'm excited and anxious to focus my attention on NOT focusing my attention on things and to not constantly feel the need to rationalize or analyze and just do what feels right at that present moment. It's a liberating concept, no?
Do you ever feel like you lose sight of how to "be"? How do you keep yourself in check?
..and as always, if you have any goals for this week I'd love to hear them.
p.s. check out this chocolate covered beauty's blog to help her out with an incredible cause!
Hope you all have a wonderful [gossip girl-filled] night!
69 comments:
I am not sure I have reached the stage of just 'being' yet, but I hope to soon. It really does take alot. I think we all have times where we feel this way. I always enjoy taking some alone time and writing down my thoughts, feelings, and goals.
This happens to me too since I am a natural planner and I like to plan, but you are right sometimes its better to just do whatever it is, change the plans. Oddly, for a big planner I'm not too bad at changing the plans- as long as I decide, when other people decide I get annoyed haha
Hey girl, these are great realizations & goals! I often find myself in the "routine rut" too and being scared to stray from what I had planned... :/ Since starting the blog I find that I am listening to my body more (ie food/exercise) and really trying (note: trying) to go with the flow more and to just "be". Easier said than done though, lifelong goal for me I think :)
Also, it is pretty safe to say that Chuck Bass will win out over the Yankees game tonight haha... although I am sure I will be sent to the upstairs tv for this decision!
Sometimes I have trouble of distinguishing when I'm "organized" from when I'm "in a rut". I think that'd be something for me to get better ate to learn how "to be". Enjoy the freedom! Listening to body cues is so much more difficult than people credit it. Just this afternoon I made a bowl of oatmeal because I always have oatmeal after classes, but it wasn't what I wanted and once I figured that out I had no problem throwing it out and making what I did want
ive seen rent a million times and this has never really stuck out to me until now. i love it. LOVE it. and you, obv.
just breathe! do you do vinyasa-style yoga? that's centered on coordinating breath and movement, and it really teaches you to be present. sometimes when i'm feeling anxious i just focus on my breath: is it choppy, fast, slow, etc.? this really helps bring me back to the moment. :)
Jenny,
I understand, and I'm trying to overcome the same thing. It meakes me uncomfortable to step out of my daily routine because I know it works. But I am slowly working on doing things spontaneously, not thinking about what I will have to do late to make up for it and let myself be a normal girl! I find that when I can finally stop that control is when I have the most fun and don't regret anything I do!
Thank you Miss Jenny!!!! It really means a lot to me that you'd help out :)
I used to plan out my meals the day before, but then I'd end up craving something else and have to change anyway, so I just gave up with the planning for the most part and let my tummy tell me what it wants hehe.
YAA gossip girl!
To Be: Who would of thunk 2 little words had so much impact. I love this concept, and i totally feel we could all benefit from "just being" Thanks for this girl! :) LOve u
I'm so proud of you for realizing this Jenny! I'm smiling ear to ear :)
Lovepie, I understand where you're coming from! I used to plan EVERYTHING a few years ago when I was stressing out beyond beleif. If something didn't go according to this plan, the stress mounted even more. It was awful! One thing I've learned is to take a step back and chill. That's a reason why I'm so fond of my 'me' days - a day to just be. Good luck with your goals this week, you've got this :)
Um pretend that says belief ;)
I feel like I have the opposite problem! I don't feel like I put enough thought into what I'm going to eat or when/how/where I will exercise. Reading your blog has made me think more about food choices and how I can be more responsible in making them. I'm going to make the goal of putting in small steps towards eating the way I should and starting to exercise again. Thanks Jenny!
i have been feeling the same way, and i think its great to realize it means we are ready to grow and move forward.
its hard to step away from the plan because its nearly guaranteed to work, trusting your body and your feelings is a lot more unsure.
but it feels good & its fun & its worth it to let go and just be :)
congratulations girl!
amazzzzing goal my dear. good luck! i know you can do it.
Hooray for Rent! :)
Love this post!
Same reason I've been feeling blah. Food is the same, but my problem is lack of focus in exercising. I REALLY miss having something on the schedule to look forward to.
A-FREAKING-MEN!!! Here's to BEING.
Seriously, a great weekly goal. I want to do it too.
I feel like I'm too "planned out" all the time...
...like I'm always consumed with thinking about when I'm going to exercising and calculating my food, and thinking about what I can and shouldn't eat next, and when I'm going to exercise..blah I can't just "be".
I think sometimes when I find myself getting too "planned" I think about what do I really FEEL like doing! If I could do anything and eat anything and be anything what would I be?
Some advice. ... "fly by the seat of your pants" is very liberating! So go for it this week. Don't plan anything! Just go, be, do!
xox, Hannah Jane
love this post jenny! i too am trying to do the same. i am nlt planning anymore what i'll eat but only when i am about to have my meal. i also dont follow a meal plan anymore. i want to be free and be able to listen to my body and its cravings.
in terms of workouts, i dont really do anything. just yoga 3 times a week for 20 min. but if i dont have time or energy i know its okay to skip it.
we're in this together, if yuo need to talk feel free to contact me alright ;)
xoxo
That's such an awesome goal! I need to do that more often. I find that when I act like a kid and just play, that helps! My goal is to study thoroughly for and do well on my russian history midterm!
I'm the opposite - I thrive on plans and routines. Recently my plans/routines have been thrown around and it's driving me cuuurrraazzyy!
I think the problem is when I feel like I HAVE to do something even if I don't want to just because it's part of the routine. Not okay!
Congrats on being brave!
I'm just the opposite. I can't plan my workouts and meals. I tried it once and it didn't work at all. The fact that I know what I'm going to eat the next 24hs just make anything that I'll eat uninteresting and boring. So, usually I decide what to eat 30 min before the meal time! :) it's fun!
same with workout, because our body feels differently every day and it's hard to predict what we need before hand.
have fun! :)
when i first saw this title, i thought you were going to discuss the difference between ser and estar hahaha. por queeeeeeee am i such a wannabe spaniard!?
i love this post, and i'm glad you're making it a point to just be--especially in terms of food and exercise. both are meant to be enjoyable, and i know you know this well, mi chica inteligente. i'm excited to see where your cravings take you :)
maaad amor
WONDERFUL! AMAZING! And that YOU came to this conclusion, not your nutrish or someone else telling you is SO empowering! You can just "be"...make sure as you are "being Jenny", Eddie (it rhymes, I couldn't help it) doesn't stick his two cents in and if he does, you come here, or go to Mama PB, Papa PB or Ginge. This week is about you! And every week from here on out! I think being today what it is for me, I am going to make this a goal for me-for the year, for life. I was thinking what I want from the next year and you said it so simply...to just be. God I love you woman! Oh and I have some input on Better N Butter, it was a staple in my house for AGES -which is not a good thing. It doesn't taste NEARLY as good, and as you said isn't nearly as good for you as PB-and it doesn't satiate like PB does *Did I use the word correctly?* Step away from the Better N Butter, step away! Stick with the cream of the crop.
Love ya girl!
Kiersten
P.S. You rock! I'm always here for you girl. Lets chit-chat VERY soon. AIM/Yahoo/FB/Email? shoot me a line at my gmail account. enjoy your evening!!!! Do whatever it is you feel like doing. xo
Hey girl, so I am a blog stalker ;) But I have been reading your blog for a whileeeee now, but I just haven't gotton to nerve up to make my own blog! But...you hould give us an update on how you are doing recovery wise! You never really tell us anymore! How are you doing with thoughts about your body, thoughts about food, are you back to a healthy weight yet...ect.
I think we would all just like to know how you are doing because you make it seem like you are the perfect recoverying eating disorder patient! ( which is NOT a bad thing, and if you are, that is GREAT!!!!!) I just think you should share your struggles some more, I think it would be helpful to you! Just a thought :)
Keep up the good work!!
<3 Kelsey
Jenny,
You spoke to my heart tonight. I can not tell you how often I feel trapped by a rigid schedule. I truly don't feel like I am in control unless I have an unchanging plan, and if something changes in that plan, I get stressed. I know this is a result of my old demons battling with an eating disorder. Before, it was only about food and now even though its not all about the food, it has trandescending into other facets of my life. The ulitmate goal is to be completely liberated from EVERYTHING! but like you know, it is such a long and difficult process. One step and one day at a time is all we can do and all we can strive for.
You are so strong and wonderful for realizing this in yourself and it truly shows a significant sign of how far you have come!
Take care beautiful girl!
Hey Jenny!!
I love your goal this week! It's so hard to stay in the moment, and stay present. Having a routine is comforting, but it can also present a double-edged sword when you feel like you can't falter from your schedule. Something I learned in therapy that was very moving for me is this little affirmation:
You are a human BEING, not a human doing! :)
Good luck with your goal!
Best,
Kelly
dude this is an A-MAY-ZING-A-LING post :) way to bring a good subject out and bout girl!
It's so HARD to not follow a "plan" sometimes and it feels so badass good when you don't. I think us foodies are major control freaks and sometimes not following your plan feels a tad like you're "loosing control" of the situation
work it this week girl
Jenny, I know exactly how you feel about planning EVERY SINGLE THING. I used to feel like i could never stray away from this plan even in the slightest...my therapist and i talked about this. She said that it all goes along with having an ED and having that control that we are craving so much. Take it as a sign that your ED is trying to control your life (which you only have ONE of by the way!), and you should be a rebel and just HAVE FUN! and do what you want...like i said, you only have one life, and you can't do any of it over again. It's harddddddddddddddd to do, but i know you can because you are a wonderful person! Don't ever second guess what you want to do, because the first voice is usually your own :)much love!
ciao bella :)
Great post Jenny. I know exactly what it feels like to be in a 'rut'. I spent a LONG time there. I can tell, though, that recognizing this is a huge step to moving forward. From my experience, things get so much better when you move away from those 'have-to's' and 'shoulds' and just listen to your body. It's definitely a challenge, something a still find myself mindful of, but the freedom is so so worth it.
Love you girl, and SO proud of you.
What a cute post, I love it! I agree, sometimes our bodies give us signals that we ought to listen to instead of doing something because it fits into a plan or schedule!
ahh of course.,..it is so easy to get caught up in what you SHOULD be doing day to day in your routine and just go through the motions, so it is super important to check in with yourself every now and then and ask, am I happy? Could I be doing something, changing something to make me happier?
I am so thrilled that you recognized this and doing something about it!
you deserve to have all the freedom in the world and in whatever you choose!!
"Don't:
✗ Plan my workouts
✗ Plan my meals
Do:
♥ Honor my body
♥Respond to my bodies cravings (in terms of food and exercise)
"
There are times it is easier, times it is harder, times it is downright impossible, and other times it's a cinch. When it's hard, I embrace that there's something else at play,and when it's easy, I take a mental photograph of that moment in time, so when it's hard again, i can remember that oh yeah, this does lift, it does get easier sooner or later.
I love you Jenny!
It is such a beautiful thing that you want to honor your body!
PS- Check out In the Heights! You will lurve it!
I truly understand what kind of world youre in right now. I was in the same place all summer when I got so scarily skinny. I was craving things left and right, things I didnt even like sometimes like licorice (bleh)! It was because I was restricting myself so much b/c what started as orthorexia suddenly became anorexia and I didnt even know it.
My bf was fed up with me because my life revolved around my food plan and my parents were mad at me. Luckily, I got the wake up call and its so nice to be FREE. To live like a normal person. If I felt like eating chipotle with friends, I'll do it! If I wanted an auntie anne's pretzel, I'll allow myself a piece without making myself suffer for it. And I no longer meticulously log in my daily food intake to figure out the calories. I dont count calories anymore. I eat mom's cooking! I dont even recognize myself in pictures anymore because its no longer a gaunt, green face. I look so fresh faced and best of all..happy. I wish you the same!
i can definitely relate to how you are feeling-- i wish i was better about not planing meals or work outs. i don't know why it is so difficult ot just live life sometimes... i admire you though a lot!
xoxo
shelley
I'm so glad you posted this! I use to be such a horrible planner (as in I planned too much! Actually, I was going to post this quote at the end of my post today, but I'll post it here. Some wise words by John Lennon, "Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted". Love ya girl!
p.s. I can't believe I missed the best of breakfasts post!!! GAH :( Oh welll
This is just an awesome post, girl. You really hit it home! I think a lot of us (including me, sometimes) stick to a schedule too much. It's nice to "just be!!"
Love youuu!
<3 jess
xoxo
Ah I have the same problem.. I like to plan everything! I don't like change so I often get into a rut. But sometimes I force myself to break out of them.. and I'm glad I did!
that certainly is a challenge, but i know you can do it! breathing helps!
ooh i feel ya! sometimes its like, wake up, same breakfast, same lunch, school, go to gym, dinner, walk dog, do homework, watch tv every night for me.
then im like, wait, why am i living such a monotonus life? so i switch it up. even things like changing my snack helped
like tonight! i opted for something different instead of my usual huge bowl of pb puffins and jar of peanut butter so i can scoop the puffins in it for some honey whole wheat pretzels and chocolate pudding.
yum! it was such a nice switch. im so satisfied too =)
variety is the spice of life!!
love you girl!
Lisa
this is my whole problem - not being - the story of my 'blog' :(. yeah.
i deal with guilt and regret alot - i had a huge late-night snack (again) tonight when i wasn't hungry and just went and out like a good chunk of cream cheese frosting (Aka sugar) right out of the tub - again...and now i feel so bad and full ...and i have to get up and do this all over again - ugh why do i keep doing this to myself every night? it sucks.
thanks for your post. it's good to know, but hard to read at the same time because i feel like i keep failing every time .
Jenny! I so enjoyed this post! I can relate to all of this so much!! Being so consued in all your daily habits.. thats how it is.. its set.. blah.. When we really should just learn how to LET GO and LET BE !!! let life take you on daily adventures.. in food and exercise, even! And don't always follow the map. Life is exciting! So is food, and our bodies:)
Awesoe goal!
xox
I am SUCH a planner. It makes me feel in control of things I suppose...but I am always happier when I just go with the flow. Thanks for this great reminder Jenny!
Have a good night!
Yay Jenny! I don't think I'm ready to just let go of all the planning just yet, but you really are an inspiration to me:)
xoxo
omg jenny! i loved this post and i totally agree with you. i am at the same stage as you right now! i have been trying to be less rigid with my meal plan and not being afraid to change things up :) i hope you will be able to JUST BE! it sounds soo easy but we both know it is so hard!
jenna
I am such a planner and I do forget often how to just be. Planning can be a helpful tool but like everything else, it works well in moderation.
I think this is a significant revelation, Jenny. This will push you beyond recovery, and into a real, normal and healthy life. Planning meals and everything else and sticking to them to a T is really restrictive and sometimes gives you more stress than necessary. I'm glad you've decided to let loose, and to just...BE. To enjoy and listen to your body's daily needs and cravings. Don't be afraid to give up that need for "order" and control, because otherwise ultimately YOU are being controlled by these habits and obsessions.
Best of luck, I know you'll do great! :-)
this is such a challenge for me as well.
ENTIRELY why I have a bazillion Be Present emblazoned tank tops :)
whatever it takes huh?
Great post! I feel that way a lot... I get so caught up in planning my meals and scheduling my workouts that I forget how to just live my life. I try to do something spontaneous at least a couple times a week, whether it's eating something I don't usually eat, or taking a day off from working out.
I totally feel you on day-to-day routines. They can become so repetitive, it's almost as if we have a robotic way about going through the days. I realized I was doing that during the summer, and my goal was to definitely trash eating/exercising routines, and just go with the flow. It's been working like a charm ever since!
Omg, I can completely relate to your struggle with 'just being'. I truly believe you have the best mindset to change your attitude. Have a fabulous day, beautiful!
i love this plan! erm, the plan NOT to plan! thanks for the reminder.. sometimes i get a little OCD with planning :)
Great goal! And it is so true... I think many of us get caught up in what we "should" be doing and forget that what we really should be doing, is what we want to be doing...
Thanks for this chica!
Lovexx
I LOVE this post!! It's hard to break the routine sometimes, and do things that we aren't used to. I know that I am always planning out meals ahead, but then I get stressed when it's not what I'm craving when the time comes. I need to just learn to go with the flow, and give in and have a bowl of cereal if that's what I'm craving. It's not going to kill me to switch it up!
This post really hit home for me.. I seriously plan my life around working out and just need to relax more. Sometimes I will cancel plans with people because I haven't worked out yet...thanks for making me see what's really important. Love your blog!
I totally get what you are saying. I get stuck in the rut too, but I manage to lift myself from the rut by just going out and doing something out of my daily routine. It helps, because it makes me feel like I am actually "being" and living. When I go out with friends especially, they encourage me to be spontaneous and reach out of my comfort zone.
Best luck in your goals this week!
Oh man, I feel like that's my goal every day. To just be. But I think the only time I get even close to that is when I'm doing yoga. The rest of the time my lists and plans and "have to dos" and "should dos" get in the way. Glad you've found a way to work on this! And I think having a little more freedom in what you eat is really healthy!
be free my girl.
life is too short, and quite frankly, at the end of the day, your body knows what is best. planning can drive a girl nuts (as much fun as google calendar is). just go with your gut and know that there is so much more to life than food and exercise (although, obvs they are a large portion of it ;)
I feel that. Last tri season, when my Polar crapped out on me..I did just that - i abadoned my training plan and focused on frequency to get me where I needed to go. I also did the same for my diet and it really helped ease to transition into a pseudo vegetarian (I still smash a burger every now and then).
So yea...just be...just dial into your body and mind and spirit and tend to those worlds..and you'll BE fine..
Great post. Just BEING is a wonderful feeling. Good luck this week.
good for you Jenny. I truly feel like relinquishing all control, even if just for a little while, is the only way to get in touch with what you really want/need and what are just excess details that you structure your life around. I hope you have a good experience just 'being' :)
Sounds like a fabulous plan to me!
Hm. This is an interesting post. It's funny that a de-lurking commenter should get me to delurk and put my two cents in. I suppose I want to say two things, and I'll try to articulate them properly without getting too wordy (english major problem).
The first is that I really respect what you're doing with this blog. I like that you are so focused on the joy of life and that it's really clear despite (or perhaps because of your positive tone) that you don't always have it easy. I don't think it's necessary to dwell on every setback to understand how you are moving forward!
I think it's really hard to find the proper balance between too much planning and carelessness. I think of it like a path between two walls, where the path is convex. On one side, you can lean on apathy and abdicate responsibility for your body & mind. On the left hand side, you can lean on programs and obsess over regimes and cage yourself in strict planning.
It's hard to keep on top of the curve with nothing to lean on except your own sense of balance, and the curve of the ground keeps slanting you one way or another
The middle way is the most difficult. It seems to me that the trick (so much easier said than done) is what buddhist meditation teachers call 'right effort', which is doing things right, but light! With meditation, if you try too hard and stress out about getting to concentration, it's just as counterproductive as trying too little.
Like keeping the very tip of your finger on a butterfly, following its flight without restricting its motion.
You know when you're doing it right, but you might not know when you're doing it wrong.
Wow. That was kind of an intense way to break into blog-commenter-status. I hope I am making sense and not sounding like a mad rambler.
Love your work, girl.
xx
Al
This is a wonderful post! Your posts always make me smile!
Wasn't the GG episode great this week?? LOL...
Love these dos and don'ts!
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