I'm alive

After a day of eating mozzarella sticks, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and pecan pie (oh.my.god.. 'gasm) I'm happy to report:

I'M

STILL

ALIVE!

Who'da thunk? In fact, I woke up pretty hungry this morning.

It's strange though. I feel like I was actually a lot more stressed and anxious the days building up to Thanksiving than I was on the actual day (my mind works in strange ways). I definitely siked myself out and I almost feel as though I forced myself to be more stressed than I actually was. Like, I told myself massive amounts of food and people watching me eat it SHOULD make me stressed, so I allowed it to. Why do we do this to ourselves?

I woke up yesterday morning fairly positive. My mom knew how anxious I was about the situation so she was incredibly supportive and consoling. My primary fear was that my family members would keep me under a microscope and constantly scrutinize what I was eating and how much I was eating. My mom said if she noticed anyone does this she's "bust some caps" -- her words, not mine. I love her.

So I went with a game plan. 3 appetizers of my choice (which FYI were a mozz stick, cream cheese and cranberry puff pastrys, and veggie pizza). For dinner, fill most of my plate with turkey and brussel sprouts then small little helpings of mashed potatoes and stuffing just to have a TASTE. Then dessert (my fav, obvi) a small sliver of pecan pie. It was perfect. I didn't gorge myself until I was overly stuffed. I nibbled and sampled and just enjoyed the taste of food again. It was empowering!

Another thing that was amazing was that I didn't receive on comment on my body, positive or negative. Now of course I'd love to hear "Jenny you look great!" (who doesn't like to hear that?) but I loved the fact that my body wasn't the center of attention as it's been in past years. It felt good to just be another member of the family, rather than the member of the family with the eating disorder. It just reaffirms how beautiful life can be when your ED doesn't consume you and your identity.

So long story short: normal living is possible (at least one day at a time). Had you told me last year I would be able to eat the foods I ate yesterday and feel not an ounce of guilt after the fact I would've told you that you were nuts. But here I am, I've done it.. and I'm alive. Perhaps more alive than I've ever been.

I owe a lot of my accomplishments to you all. Thank you for allowing me to be human. For allowing me to express my feelings openly and be honest about my struggles. Thank you for being there all the time to pick me back up when I'm struggling. I owe so much of my recovery to this blogging family. So again, thank you thank you thank you!

Myself and my gorgeous family

aren't my sisters stunnahs?

p.s. my sisters are actually older than I am (24 and 25) they just look younger 'cause they're so short. Okay, maybe they just look short because my brother and I are giants.

plus mom and pops

♥ Dad's argyle sweater

Now tell me about YOUR thanksgiving...
How did you do with coping with your fears? Not so well? Never fear, that's what next year is for! Hell, that's what TOMORROW is for. Never forget: we're all works in progress
What was the most amazing thing you ate? Pecan pie over here fa sho'