True Bloggywood Story: PB&Jenny

hey there friends and thank you so much for visiting my page =) In a few short words I am a 19 year old English major at Sacred Heart University with a passion for family, love, creativity, yoga, and i kind of like peanut butter too ;). Sure, those are just a few tidbits about me but what is the story of the girl behind the jar?

I have had an extremely love hate relationship with food. We’ve gone through many stages and transitions. As a child and into high school – I LOVED food.. the problem was.. the food I loved wasn’t exactly – er, the best for me. Between frequent midnight runs to fast food restaurants with my friends, to having absolutely no concept of the words “fruits and veggies” at all.. my weight got a point that I was a little uncomfortable with.

during my junior year of highschool (I was 17). i realized that I was not comfortable with the way I looked. Sure, I was happy overall.. had an amazing boyfriend, a wonderful group of girlfriends, a loving family.. but i wanted more. I wanted self-acceptance, and who could blame me?! It's important to have pride in yourself and be confident in who you are.. and at this point, I didn't.

I decided to committ myself to losing 5 pounds before junior prom. I wanted to feel beautiful on that special night and not be self-conscious about my body. After cutting back my food intake a tad and replacing a bag of potato chips for fruit, i was able to lose the weight by the big night. I still remember prom dress shopping and finding the perfect one that was a full size smaller than i normally wore.. success!Me and Ginge at Junior prom (please excuse the classy disposable camera shot..)

I went to prom and felt WONDERFUL! my 5 pounds were a great accomplishment but I knew I could do more! I still had some unhealthy eating habits that could be improved and room for increasing my exercising as well. For breakfast I swapped pop tarts for a bowl of cheerios with a banana and berries, i started bringing a turkey on whole wheat sandwich to school for lunch rather than buying pizza or chicken fingers. When I came home from school i would help myself to fruit and crackers or cottage cheese rather than a bag of oreos. These small changes and learning how to eat healthfully lead me to lose about 20 pounds by August of that summer. At this point I was extremely content with my body. I felt strong, I had energy, I was smaller but still retained my curves. My most fondest memories of myself at my ideal weight was at Mexico that summer...I clearly remember taking advantage of the amazing fresh fruit, joining my dad for breakfast every morning and treating myself one day to french toast and maple syrup. I remember opting for veggie burgers at lunch and fresh seafood for dinner, while allowing myself a few fried calamari here and there. I remember taking bites of my brothers chocolate cake for dessert and ordering a fruit bowl by myself. I remember choosing to take a walk on the beach or play tennis with my dad rather than hitting up the gym to go on the treadmill. Basically, it was at this point where I felt i truly lived a healthy life - devoted to balance, moderation, and honoring to my body. I never felt as though i overate, and i always made sure to satisfy my cravings when my body was asking for something good.. I was happy.

Fast forward a few weeks to senior year of high school. I walk into school on the first day in my new sundress, confident in my new body and the transformation I had made over the summer. I remember receiving extremely positive feedback from people.. "Jenny you look great!" "Jenny I can't believe thats you.. you look like a totally different person!". Girls even began asking ME for dieting advice. My weight loss had become the center of so many conversations that I became obsessed. I became obsessed with the attention, with the interest, and convinced myself that If i could come this far I could do even MORE! big mistake.

Over the next few months my food intake decreased drastically and my exercise regime shot up. For the life of me I can not say how I survived .. I was burning at least twice as many calories as I was consuming and watched as my body withered away. As the compliments stopped coming I began to convince myself that people weren't commenting on my body anymore because they didn't think I was skinny. Well, truth was.. I was right.. people didn't think i was skinny anymore.. they thought i was i emaciated... nothing but skin and bones and by May of my Senior year I was drastically below a healthy weightMe and Ginge Senior Prom

the difference in my body between Junior and Senior year is alarming to me.. and the funniest part was.. though i was clearly "skinnier" my senior year, I can honestly say i was 100x's more confident and comfortable in my appearance junior year. I was PROUD of my body junior year, I filled out my dress, and felt like a beautiful WOMAN. Senior year I felt weak, like a girl in a womans dress.. I remember deleting dozens of pictures because my collar bone stuck out too far or my arms looked too small, etc.

The obsession with my weight only got once during my freshman year of college when I was ripped away from the comfort of my family, my boyfriend, my home.. and thrown in to this world where my eating disorder was my only friend. I clung to him.. looked to him for support and friendship.

My second semester of school is when things really took a turn for me. After spending the winter break at home for a month I realized just how concerned my loved ones were and how much i NEEDED to gain back the weight. I began seeing a therapist and nutritionist and slowly putting the weight back on.

Though it's been difficult, no doubt, it has been more than worth it. For many reasons I feel like enduring my eating disorder has been a blessing in disguise. Through reaching rock bottom both mentally and physically.. I have finally been able to rise above. I feel content and at a place in my life where I truly understand the importance of moderation. From being on both sides of the “weight” spectrum – transitioning from over-eating and not exercising to under-eating and over-exercising.. I’ve learned that life is not about extremes.. its not about its about forming a relationship based on trust with our bodies. Today a stand a woman who understands the importance of eating healthy, the importance of working out for enjoyment, not for the sake of burning calories, the importance of LOVING YOURSELF and recognizing your worth is not based on the number on a scale. All of these lessons have been so crucial to my development as a person and have helped me to cherish the important things in my life.

Though I am still in the process of gaining weight, I am much closer to health and happiness than I was before.. Through this blog I hope to share my process and love for whole foods while making some amazing friends along the way.

If you have any questions or need someone to chat with never hesitate to email me at peanutbutterandjenny12 [at] yahoo.com

Thank you so much again for reading, enjoy!